Being the Bigger Person: A Teacher’s Real Talk
Being the Bigger Person: A Teacher’s Real Talk
Ever had a learner roll their eyes at you so hard you wondered if their head might spin off? Welcome to teaching. Seriously—teaching isn’t just a job; it’s a full-contact sport. You’re delivering lessons, yes—but you’re also referee, therapist, negotiator, and sometimes emergency crisis manager. And every day, tiny humans find new ways to test every ounce of your patience.
Then it happens. A learner pushes your buttons. Maybe they talk back. Maybe they challenge you in front of the class like it’s a showdown. And suddenly, you’re at a crossroads: lose your cool… or be the bigger person?
What “Being the Bigger Person” Really Means
Spoiler: it’s not being a doormat. It’s not smiling through gritted teeth while secretly plotting revenge. It’s about choosing your response instead of reacting, even when your brain is screaming: “I quit. Where’s my cape?”
It’s about showing learners that respect isn’t just a rule on the wall—it’s something we practise, even when it’s messy.
Teacher Moments That Happen to All of Us
- The Marking Meltdown: “This mark is unfair!”—cue internal groan. You could snap, but being the bigger person means: pause, breathe, then calmly say, “I see you’re frustrated. Let’s go through it together and figure out what happened.” Boom—conflict avoided, dignity intact.
- The Pencil War: Two learners fight over a pencil like it’s a golden ticket. You could yell. Or… calmly separate them and ask, “Okay, how can we solve this so nobody loses a pencil—or their cool?” (And yes, I’ve threatened to confiscate pencils more than once… and quietly regretted it.)
- The Eye Roll Incident: Classic. Learner rolls eyes right at you. You could explode. Or you could take a breath, smirk a little, and say, “I see that, but let’s get back to work.” Peace restored, teacher sanity mostly intact.
Calm Down, Then Talk It Out
Here’s my secret weapon: calm down first, then have the honest conversation. I always take a moment to collect myself. Then I talk with the learner—or learners—privately if it’s just one person, in a small group if needed, or even as a whole class if the issue affects more than one person.
We talk about what happened, why it’s a problem, and how we can move forward. Not lectures—just real, honest conversation. Learners get to hear why I called them out, and I get to hear their side. It’s about connection, not punishment. And honestly? It works wonders.
Quick, Real Strategies That Actually Work
- Pause, Breathe, Survive
Even three seconds can save your voice—and your sanity. - Call Out the Behaviour, Not the Human
“I can see you’re frustrated” > “You’re being rude.” Learners listen when you address actions, not labels. - Pick Your Battles
Not every eye-roll or pencil fight needs a full lecture. Sometimes letting the small stuff slide keeps everyone sane. - Invite Learners Into Solutions
“How can we fix this?” or “What would help?” gives them ownership and reduces repeat drama. - Reflect Later
After class chaos, think about what went well, what didn’t, and what you might try next time. Teacher superpower: reflection.
Why It’s Worth It
Every time you take the high road, you’re teaching something bigger than the curriculum: how to handle conflict with patience, respect, and yes… a little humour. And honestly, you need those reminders too.
The Truth
Being the bigger person is hard. Some days, it feels impossible. You might be tired, underappreciated, or feel like nothing sticks. And that’s okay. The magic is in showing up, trying again, and proving to yourself—and your learners—that respect isn’t just a rule, it’s a habit.
Because one day, a learner will roll their eyes… and you’ll smile. Not just because you survived. But because, in that tiny act of calm, you just taught them something bigger than any test.
Remember: Being the bigger person isn’t about perfection—it’s about showing learners how to be human, even in the middle of chaos.
About the Author
Ayesha Malinga is a passionate educator with over 13 years of teaching and tutoring experience, specialising in English and Afrikaans. She is the author of several educational series, including Afrikaans Survival Kit and Study Guide Series, Noodhulp en Studiegids vir Afrikaans Series, and Begriptoets en Taalwerkboek vir Afrikaans Series.
With experience in both CAPS and IEB curricula, Ayesha’s teaching philosophy centres on understanding—she believes that once a learner truly understands a concept, they can confidently tackle any question, no matter how it’s asked. She loves her learners, always striving to keep them happy, motivated, and performing at their best.